My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
