What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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