My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
