I will die if light touches me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
