North Korea, Best Korea!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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