I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
