Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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