if i can run in heels then i can drive
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
