I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
