I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
