We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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