Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
