What a fucking waste of an outfit
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize