I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have aggressive nipples.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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