Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
