Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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