Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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