I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
