Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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