Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
