just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
