I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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