maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
