I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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