I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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