4 words: hood of his car
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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