i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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