I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
