I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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