he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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