i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
