you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
