So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
