Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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