i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
