I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
