Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize