Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just google imaged poop.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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