did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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