I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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