how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
