LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize