I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
