im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
