He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
