First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
