careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
