i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
