please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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