Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
