Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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