I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
