Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
