i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
