I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
