I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
