What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
