I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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