never play flip cup with pint glasses
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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