i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
