HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
only you would photoshop your dick
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
