Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
