My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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