if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
