I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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