you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
