can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
