dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
